We went with Kan to Tokyo station today and put him on the Narita express to the airport, then on to the US! He will be gone for 9 days, 9 long days. Mind you, we did this ALL the time in the US both before and after Miyako. It rarely phased me because I had family and friends near by. Of course I would miss him, but not like this.
When I first learned of the trip, I was so jealous and acted like a 5 year old. I wanted to go to the US, by myself, for ten days. Yes, he does have to work while he is there...I know that. But sometimes wouldn't you just love 14 hours on a plane by yourself to be alone? Maybe you would be sitting with hundreds of other people like sardines, but you would be away from responsibility for 14 hours. Maybe it is the introvert in me, or the part of me that wants a vacation from being a mom. This does not mean I do not love Miyako or would go back to life without her. NEVER! I love my life. But I do sometimes crave a few days by myself.
I was also jealous that in spite of his work, he was going to see friends and family and meet all of these wonderful babies my friends have had since I left. I mean, seriously, Kan gets to meet sweet Parker before her Aunt Shari. That is just not right.
In the midst of my jealousy and pouting - people, I can pout - the Lord brought a much needed phone call into my life with my sweet friend LeVan. In her southern drawl she reminded me that I wanted Kan to get some refreshment with his family in Knoxville and his friends. She reminded me I did not want to make such a tough trip for such a short time as it would be too hard on Miyako and me. She reminded me it will be hard on him being away from us. She reminded me I did not want to go and let him come back by himself and me stay for three extra weeks because he would work himself to death like they do over here and expectations at work would be set that he can do that all the time, even when we are home. She also reminded me to call her while he is gone and if I was still jealous or depressed, she would still love me. That is what she does - she loves me even in my ugliness. Thanks LeVan.
Well, God took that jealousy away. I even enjoyed planning his social calendar for him and emailing our friends to make arrangements for him to see them. But now he is gone. The jealousy is not back. But it is raining like crazy today, the clouds are dark, and it fits my mood. I simply miss him. It is lonely. When we did this in the US, I missed him of course, but I had such a close community near by that it did not feel quite like this. This is just an aching - knowing he is not in the country - and counting the days already until he comes back.
I do have fun things planned. I am heading to Nagoya on Friday for the weekend to see a family friend. We have lots of play dates planned, dinner dates, and hopefully I will get good naps while Miyako does! But if you think of it, say a prayer for all of us - that we would all be safe and that the 9 days would go by super duper fast!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Praying for this time, dear friend. Hope you find some relaxing parts to not having to be a wife for a few days. I was surprised by how much I enjoyed only having to give my energy to the kids when Donny was out of town in August for a week. But I still know it's hard not having him there. I love you.
Kan comes home today or tomorrow? You should pat yourself on the back and pamper yourself with something nice and relaxing when he gets back. Enjoy being back together again!
Post a Comment