It is 8:50PM here in Tokyo on this Memorial Day and I am thinking back to where I was four weeks ago. I was sitting in Seibo hospital by myself probably nursing sweet Kei. He was just five hours old. Today he is four weeks old, and my how he has grown, as you can see by the pictures. He is already past the ten pound mark. We go on Saturday for his four week check-up so I can post the actual statistics after that. But obviously from the pictures, the boy is growing and he likes to eat. He already feels more like a baby to me than a newborn. He is showing more alertness and having more wake time. His favorite place to sleep is in the sling when we are out and about. I am still trying to teach him how to nap in his pack and play during the day. He sleeps there just fine at night but during the day he would much rather be held than take a nap in his bed. I cannot say that I do not blame him, but reality is I am one person trying to take care of two so the boy has gotta learn how to nap in the bed. I do not want to be wearing him at 30 pounds in his sling to take a nap. Last night he gave me my longest stretch yet. I fed him at 9:30PM, put him to bed, and I woke up at 3AM needing to feed the poor boy. He was still asleep, but mama needed to feed him, so we did. He went right back to sleep and slept until 7. Tonight I am hoping we can go a little bit longer. Or else he just tricked me last night. We will see.
Miyako has her good days and bad days when it comes to him. When I tell her I need her to help me and be a big girl, she will often respond with, "I want to be a baby brother." Today she wanted me to carry her while I had Kei in the sling. She often acts out while I am feeding him because she knows it is harder for me to discipline her then. But she has her sweet moments with him too. She loves to tell me when he is crying and how I need to see what is wrong. She is doing great with Nena at her classes, and I am wondering if she will be dependent upon me when I take her this week to music class or if she will be more independent like she is when she goes with Nena.
Kan and I are wondering how you have time for yourself with more than one child. I was talking to a friend who had her third child in January this year. She said she realized after her first child that her life was no longer her own, so her transition to her second child was not too bad. She said her transition to her third child was when she stopped caring about her house being clean or getting a shower first thing in the morning. I have not had such a seamless transition to number two. I guess when we had Miyako, I knew my life was no longer mine, but things were very manageable with one. Kan and I could take turns easily so the other person could do something on their own. Or, we could easily take just one out with us. It is a bit more difficult with two. But I remind myself that in four weeks things will be much easier...that is when it got easier with Miyako. Right now, you feel like you will never have time to yourself or with your spouse, but I have seen plenty of healthy people to know that it can be done and it does get better. And reality is, my life is not my own - it belongs to someone much higher than myself - and He has given me this life and blessed me with two precious children to disciple unto Him. What better job could I ask for? Sure today, when I was cleaning up a blow out by my two year old with spit up on my arm from my shoulder to my wrist, I questioned this high calling and wondered if I was cut out for it...but His Spirit reminded me gently that He has ordained all of my days, including the blow outs and spit ups, and by His grace, I will get through each day.
And boy do I need His grace...when I go through the day, hit my pillow, and finally remember to pray...I think I utter "dear Lord" before falling fast asleep. Sad isn't it that I can go the whole day, knowing I need Him and His strength to get me through, and I finally remember to pray? Part of me is even embarrassed to write this hard truth, but this is where I am. The beauty of it is I am covered by His grace. And He reminds me how much He loves me, loves my husband, loves my kiddos, and meets each of us during these days.
By the way, it is now 10:23 PM here - yes, it took me this long to compose a blog entry...just one more adjustment I am having to make in this new "normal." :)
3 comments:
Shari, thank you for sharing your heart. It is good to read about how things are going with your family. I know it must be overwhelming, especially since Kan has such long work hours. But, you will get there eventually. :) Praying for some good rest for you and some good time with your husband too! Love you, friend!
What a wonderful post, Shari. You are a great mama - those kiddies are sure lucky to have you loving and caring for them.
Shari - thank you for your honest post and sharing your heart! I felt like you were speaking truth to me, right where I am at! It IS a daily struggle to realize that my life is not my own - I've often felt like I have nothing more to give because Evie just takes and takes and takes. I thought, "How could the Lord give himself UNTO DEATH?! I struggle to give of myself unto lack of sleep!" Thanks for the sweet reminder of His grace, His sovereignty and His love! I pray that the Spirit will bring these truths to mind in the midst of the chaos, give you endurance, patience and rest, and continue to equip you for your high calling of motherhood.
Post a Comment