I Miss Spinning

Today I went for a run while jet lagged hubby napped and the kiddos were supposed to be napping. I had to get out of the house by myself and hit the pavement. While on my run listening to my I pod, I realized how much I miss spinning. Every song that came on reminded me of what I would do if this song was on my playlist for a spinning class - long flat road, sprints, jumps, steep climb, short fast climb. As I hit the pavement, I could envision myself in the dark room with 29 other spinning nazis dripping in sweat and rocking out to the music. Spinning was therapeutic for me in a way - I just completely zoned out in spin classes (not the ones I taught mind you - I was always carefully aware of my class; however the ones I attended, I was in another planet). In a way, I guess it is kind of like a drug. And running sometimes does that for me, but you have to be more careful with running and be more aware. Just today I almost got hit by a man on his bike with daughter on the back simply because my music was up so loud I did not hear them coming from behind. You never really have that problem in a spinning room on a stationary bike. I just miss it, and I look forward to one day being a member at a gym with a world class spinning room and teachers.

On a parenting note, I did a pretty hard thing tonight. I took away pink blanket. Miyako has this pink blanket she sleeps with every night. However, every night it becomes a way of control for my sweet almost three year old. I will tuck her in with the pink blanket on, and inevitably she will kick it off after I have left the room and need to have "pink blanket put back on" again. She will do this up to a million times if I would let her. It is not about the blanket. It is about her controlling the situation. Tonight I gently told her if she kicked off pink blanket one time I would take it away for the night. Sure enough, she kicked it off. And sure enough, Mama took it away. It was brutal, taking it away from her. She screamed and cried, "Mama, I want pink blanket." After about ten minutes of crying and her sitting at the edge of her bed closest to the door, I went into her room to calm her down. I held her tight and she said, "I want pink blanket. I want to look at the pretty flowers on pink blanket."

My response was something like this, "Miyako, I know honey that you want pink blanket, but I told you I would take it away and that is what I did. You may have it tomorrow night and try again. Maybe after this, you will have learned your lesson and not kick pink blanket off."

Her response - "I want to learn the lesson tomorrow." Well, at least she is honest. Pink blanket is waiting for her on the kitchen table and she is sleeping soundly. I did not take pink blanket away in anger. I was gentle and compassionate, yet firm. I do not always discipline in this way - with compassion yet being firm. Usually I am frustrated and angry. But God really gave me his grace tonight. And it was HARD. I wanted so much to give her back that pink blanket when I went back in her room. Her big teary eyes looking up at me...melt a mama's heart. But I knew the long term goals I have for her could only be fulfilled if I kept my word and kept pink blanket. Time will tell if this worked or not - tomorrow night I may have pink blanket again. Or maybe we will not have to deal with this anymore. I do not know. But tonight I got a small taste of what God must feel when He disciplines us. It is hard for him too. He does not want to see us hurt or struggle with Him, but He has a bigger picture in mind for us. Lord, may I embrace your discipline and melt in your arms like my little girl melted in mine tonight.